That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
