after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Hippo gnu deer
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize