Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
