i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
