my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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