I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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