I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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