Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
