OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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