i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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