This is not my ceiling
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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