she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
