They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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