Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
