I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
