I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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