I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
