I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
