Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
