apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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