He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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