Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
