Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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