I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
