shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
did i walk over a car last night?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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