when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
should my penis look like a turkey
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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