I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
