Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I puked a lego.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
