Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize