Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
love makes seman taste better
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize