Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
