i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize