nut hugger
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
