He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
