He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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