it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize