the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
