Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
