Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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