Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
