i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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