She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
