Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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