Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
