If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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