By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
