I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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