How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
