If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize