Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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