and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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