Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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