I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
