I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
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