Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
