You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
