You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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