FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
