i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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