I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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