I think I died a long time ago.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
