my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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