Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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