Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
