You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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