You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
