the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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