i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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