remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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