WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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