im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
