Where is the hickey?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm always down for nudity.
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