i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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