I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
