im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
