This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
