What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
