Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
